I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
4 words: hood of his car
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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