I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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