Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
