A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You need a sexual gate keeper
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
