You can't motorboat a personality
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
