guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
