Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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