literally had 100 drinks last night.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
