took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
