Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
