We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
