He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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