I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
