I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
