there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
