i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
