She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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