it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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