I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
And the cops told us we were all naked.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
