I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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