2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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