Do vagina's smell?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
