Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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