I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize