Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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