All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
