There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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