there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
