A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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