So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
