What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
