Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
