Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
