I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
