who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
