You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
