sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
