And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
