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• (216): View more from Ohio

  I don't usually arrange sex via text message

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• (619): View more from California

  wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh

  (1-619): View more from California

  maybe you did when you were drunk

  (619): View more from California

  no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration

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• (510): View more from California

  After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

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• (914): View more from New York

  I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.

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• (254): View more from Texas

  All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.

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