I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
