i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
