I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
