Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
