My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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