Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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