So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
