Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
