God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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