Jerry, you need to find god
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
