just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize