I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
