I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
