Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
someone threw a dead crab at me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
