Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
