the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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