i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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