I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
