quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
