Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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