we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
