my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
