exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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