I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
